The end of a dream

Primary school days:

I used to steal her hair-band, pull her hair (she had a pony tail way back then) and generally disturb her. She seems to be a nice target to tease then cause she will have lots of reaction like chasing you around, scolding you and making funny faces. (However, some of those reactions include pinching and hitting you) Remembered one incident and this is the earliest recollection I had on her. We used to have this silent reading period for about 15mins (?) before the beginning of the assembly every morning. I was in the canteen reading and ahem… talking. She was a prefect back then and she sort of came over to hush me. But I was carried on talking lah… Then suddenly, she just hit me across my back (well… I was small size back then, even smaller size than her) and there was this resounding “PIAK” that could be heard across the canteen. She stood back pretending (I think on hindsight) to look fierce and I pretended to look angry. Then I do not know whether it was the same day or some day after when we stared at each other and broke out into simultaneous laughter…

Secondary school days:

The first time I attempted to get her to be my girlfriend was in secondary 2. But back then, I was rejected. The reason being that her best friend had sort of a liking towards me but she did not want to spoil her friendship with her. Perhaps that was the first time I cried for her? I forgot whether I continued the tradition of stealing her hairband but I think I did during the lower sec days. Haha…

JC days:

We went to different JC and I was a bit sad then that she is going to HCJC and that there’s no way I will want to go to HCJC. We sort of like lose contact in JC 1 even though our class met up quite often (I went infrequently) at KAP (king albert park) macdonald. I do see her once in and while. I did not continue the tradition in JC 2 but I heard stories telling me that she was attached in JC 2. I do not know much detail then much much later, I learnt that she wasn’t really serious in that relationship. But anyway, I was quite sad then but I told myself to expect it cause I find her a rather good girl.

Army days:

I forgot the exact date but we started to email each other and sms each other. We began to keep in touch and know each other better. I remembered I was called up to play hockey for commando formation when I was in my 1st year of army. It allowed me to skip the torturous army training while at the same time, gave me more time to sms her.




4/2/02:

I was lying in my bunk in the wee hours of the morning and we were still smsing each other. I still remembered that she asked me then: “Do you listen to Jay chou’s songs?” I replied yes cause there were some ppl who were blasting the songs along the corridor back then. Then she asked me whether I like the song “開不了口”. I replied “ok.. not bad… “ (I will tend to give that ans if someone ask me I like something or not and I have no objection to it.) Then she asked me: “Do you know the lyrics inside?” The chorus went something like this:

就是開不了口讓她知道
我一定會呵護著妳也逗妳笑
妳對我有多重要 我後悔沒讓妳知道
安靜的聽妳撒嬌 看妳睡著一直到老

Ok, in our context back then, it gave me the idea that she liked someone and do not dare to tell the person. Then I was like asking her who the person is and go for it (I do not know it’s me back then). I even tried to guess who the person is. At long last (I think she nearly died from exasperation) she just gave up and said that it’s me. Following that (I forgot the intermediary conversation) I asked her whether she is my girlfriend and she replied “what do you think?”

It was the best day ever in an army camp.

9/2/02:

First book out after we got together through the sms. If I am not wrong, we went to causeway point. The following few book outs were like a dream to me. Book outs then on became something I look forward better to. When I fractured my leg and went on extended MC, we even had more time to be with each other.
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30/4/05:

The end of a beautiful dream. We broke up on this day. I was totally devastated. She said that she no longer have faith in this relationship and if we were to start again, we have to begin as friends. I have never never never expected this day to arrive. Though I had nightmares about this, she is always the one to brush my fears away and keep assuring me otherwise.

I know that it takes 2 hands to clap but I know that the failure of this relationship was substantially due to my fault. I know she will feel otherwise but I disagree. Her good friends will disagree with her too. I felt like such a failure…..

3 years. It had been a long time. How can I just let it go just like this? I cried lots over her for the past few days. I know that life will never be the same again.

I really really felt gutted. I told Huang Jie that one of the disliked feelings for life is the feeling of unfulfilled potential. I felt that we had so much potential to be together in the future. I really think that we can last until marriage and we even had talk about it…

Thanks for all the memories, Yiting. I do not know what else to blog because my English capability is insufficient to pen down what I am going through or feeling right now. Just want to thank you for everything for the past 3 years. Thanks for tolerating me. Thanks for encouraging me. Thanks for forgiving me. Thanks for sharing everything with me at the expense of yourself. I will never forget those days we spent together. Hopefully, it will be the same for you.

Adieus.